Arguably, men are affected more by shyness than women are. Male shyness is so obvious to everyone that it can’t be hidden from either sex, and most women are turned off by it completely. An unmarried heterosexual male who does not date is very vulnerable to many various, and some serious, bizarre conditions.
Different Views of the Sexes
A study from Stanford University finds that men who are shy have a much greater tendency for severe neurotic conditions than those who are not. While social acceptance of some degree of shyness in women is common, males from kindergarten to adulthood are judged as deviant and undesirable when they are shy. Shy males are more often than not the object of bullying, discrimination, hazing, and disparaging labeling.
Because men are expected to assume the assertive role in a relationship and other social situations, shyness is a brand that hurts their credibility and perceived manliness. A woman may be assertive at times and passive at others, but a man is not given that flexibility when judged by other people.
Even shy women often get married and have families, but the shy male may not. From the standpoint of dating, women aren’t expected to initiate conversation with men; that is historically the male’s place. Without even a beginning, it is unlikely that a man can move on to more than a passing acquaintance with a woman.
Another problem a shy male has is in his male peer group. Women don’t have the competitiveness in their groups males do in theirs. A man is expected to compete, and shy men are seldom very effective in a contest.
Studies Between Men and Women
Several recorded studies about shyness show that men are more likely to have severe and intractable shyness in love than women are. In 1983, Kenneth Wilson and David Knox conducted a university study, which indicated that love-shyness is almost exclusively a male situation.
One-fifth of the male students who were part of the study indicated that they had painfully shy feelings toward females during informal situations, but among women, only one in twenty complained of a similar feeling toward males. Even of the small percentage of women who had shy feelings toward the opposite sex, few really suffered greatly from it the way most of the love-shy men did.
The Act of Rejection
Shyness and self-confidence have a reverse relationship on each other. As men become less confident their shyness increases. In most interaction between men and women, the female usually is the one who rejects the male’s advances, building shyness. Rejection is tough – as you may already know.
This is more clearly indicated by studies that indicate most “steady” relationships are ended by the female, and for the relationships that broke up after having reached serious courting, 2/3 of those were precipitated by the woman. In marriage counseling, 90% of divorce proceedings are the result of the woman wanting out.
While there is no doubt that being a shy female is a painful experience for a young lady or woman, all indications point to the fact that men usually are the ones who get hurt more because they are shy.
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